Offer!
I am now a full-fledged demolition optician.
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4BratZz, no doubt, is a permanent inscription in my mind. I can never forget you people. The fun we share and stuff. Now, as a full-fledged demolition optician, I shall give you people some tips on care of your eyes. F.O.C.! I am the bestest friend all of you can get.
F.Y.I., demolition optics is a new course. I am one of the pioneers who pursued this course, so I am very proud of it. That goes without saying I am one of the best demolition opticians ever. It is extremely easy to apply on your daily lives, especially for workaholics. I guarantee 100% D.I.Y.. Well, you guessed it, demolition, wrecking with explosives. My collection will kick off with a starter.
Starters Tip (Works well for blinds)
1. Buy a box of sparklers, usually comes with sticks of 6.
2. Stab one into eyeball.
3. Light sparkler.
4. Enjoy.
Enjoy the instant of gratification. Look into the mirror if you have only lighted one sparkler.
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Still not convinced? Demolotion in the eye is easy as ABC. Here are some more tips...
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Tip No. 1 (For people who are vain)
1. Fill kerosene in a bucket.
2. Dip face a few times into kerosene.
3. Light face with a lighter.
Works better when lemon juice is applied after the treatment.
Tip No. 2 (For liquor connoiseurs)
1. Pour amaretto and tequila into a shaker.
2. Shake well then strain into a cocktail glass.
3. Put in own eyeball.
4. Light liquor.
Put in a teaspoon of baker's yeast into drink for intense flavours.
Tip No. 3 (For gastronomical adventurers.)
1. Pound magnesium clorate and chilli in a mortar with a pestle.
2. Dilute mixture with water.
3. Pour into eyes.
4. Gouge treated eyeball.
5. Enjoy.
Treat eyeballs with fire and make sure there is scintillation before serving.
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Testimonials:
'
Facial in a snap!' Vogue magazine
'Magic really does all the work this time.'
Frankie Faceo, author of 'No pain, no vain'
'
This bomb will beat Bordeaux products.'
The Wine Times
'For once, eyeballs are stars!'
Phenom Hme Kit, Dean of Institute of Optical Technology (Vietnam)
'I'm sick of all kinds of food after eating those eyeballs'
Abu Kashir Amida, Pakistani food guru
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See? Is it really that hard? No! I have many more tips to share. For treatment, visit me in my clinic.
Vision-enable & Co.
12 Banglah Road
Singapore @$%@$#
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Disclaimer:
The content above is solely for entertainment purposes ONLY. Any characters or products exist in reality is purely conincidental.
how to be cool as a class.
A certain teacher wrote a simply 10 steps guideline on how to be cool in class.
Just For Laughs. If you don't have a sense of humor you had better not read this. Because he/she might just be refering to you.
HOW TO BE COOL AS (A CLASS) IN 10 EASY STEPS
1. Pierce your ears: Do not pierce your ears at the piercing shop, that's
uncool. Do it with I-found-on-the-toilet-ground jumbo-diapers safety pin. Upon completion, take a straw, a fat bubble-tea straw(thin ones don't make the grade) and insert into the earlobe. Leave it and only remove it when your form teacher spot it and threaten to insert a bamboo pole to replace it. Ignore the blood that trickles from the ears everytime you remove/insert. At the most, your ears will just rot. Coolness at its finest.
2. Make an attempt to send at least one representative from the class every week to office for tea with Mr Paramjit. Always send the boys, never girls! Girls are nerds. Die, girls, die!
3. Have a fanciful name like Sylvester, Thiban Terrance, Deshaun cos' Terence and Shaun are not "kewl enuff".
4. Leave cool initials on all of your schoolworks like JK so that all of the subject teachers will spend their redundant afternoons trying to figure out who the heck you are.
5. Do not just be a basketball player. Be THE basketball player so that girls
will check you out and write about oh-how-cool-you-are in their personal blogs.
6. If you share the same name as your classmate, make sure you stand out either by your slurring-speech (DN) or your cool pierced ears(refer to step #1)/spiky hairdo (DT).
7. Don’t cut your hair for as long as possible. When you think that you have waited a really long time, wait longer. Always dye your hair during school holidays because only cool people dye hair and that is why teachers are not included. They are too dandy to dye their hair.
8. Have a deficiency in listening. Do not just make noise during English lessons but create pandemonium with the right timing. Do it when the principal is doing his rounds passing by your class. THAT will be THE ULTIMATE COOLNESS! YOU, my friend, can be assured that the principal will always remember you. Now that you’re cool, get ready to be invited to sit in front of the principal’s office as a class for the whole day. YAY!!!
9. Melt your form teacher’s heart by apologizing profusely and work hard to be granted 3 hrs of CIP hours by cleaning up the WEST COAST PARK and competing who can pick up the most trashes. Be verrrry proud of it.
10. Make your form teacher do a 10-step list when all she wanted is to thank all the teachers involved in the CIP @WEST COAST PARK.
this COOL teacher is pleased to see his/her class rolling up their sleeves cleaning the crap and trashes instead of THEM rolling in crap and trashes.
risks and life.
ok since cheryl's grumbling and stuff, i thought i'd contribute. (:
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk their love.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The one who risks nothing does nothing and has nothing
--- finally is nothing.
He may avoid sufferings and sorrow,
But he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited freedom.
Only one who risks is free!
i got this off another blog and i hope this small stanza actually helps some people. in what way, i dont know. but i thought this was really interesting and meaningful. so hit me with your comments. comment section or tag, anything. keep this blog alive, people! hope to see you guys on wed.. and when's our meet-up again?
cheers, fiona xx
WSI semi finals. be there!
i'm also gonna advertise for wsi. we're having a show on wednesday at 3pm. Be there! yes, it's FREE.
